


Get Out of My Swamp and Into My Bed

by magg0_ts



Category: One Direction (Band), Shrek (Movies)
Genre: F/F, Mpreg, Mpreg Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 4,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29410593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magg0_ts/pseuds/magg0_ts
Summary: a love story with layers
Relationships: Barry Benson/Fiona (Shrek)/Shrek (Shrek), Donkey/Shrek (Shrek), Ed Sheeran/Harry Styles, Ed Sheeran/Reader, Gordon Ramsay/Reader, Harry Styles/Reader, Lord Farquaad (Shrek)/Reader, Shrek (Shrek)/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

y/n) = your name  
(y/e/c) = your eye colour  
(y/l/n) = your last name  
(y/h/l) = your hair length  
(y/h/c) = your hair colour  
(y/h/t) = your hair texture 

y/n POV

I sat dazed on the ground, my (y/h/t), (y/h/c) fell in front of my (y/e/c) eyes. "O-oh I'm so sorry!" a deep voice exclaimed. I looked up through my long lashes to see who was speaking to me. He was the most beautiful man I'd ever seen. He had green skin with a splash of freckles across his nose and cheecks. He had a slim yet very fit build. I could see his toned arms, and chest through his unbuttoned loose shirt. He wore tight brown leather pants showing off his crotch area. He pushed his soft, curly red hair out of his eyes then extended his hand towards me. Then I suddenly remember how I got into this situation.

A few minutes earlier 

I had gone out into the town's market to get some food that my boyfriend demanded he have. I really did hate that man, but he had given me a place to stay after my parents abandoned me so he's more useful than he looks. I was walking away from the apple merchant so I could purchase my boyfriend's favourite bread when I smacked into a man's hard chest and fell to the ground, the apples scattering everywhere across the uneven stone road.

Present day

I slowly reached out and took the man's delicate hand. I was shocked when I found that they were callused from working, they looked so soft. "I'm so so sorry ma'am..." he was apologizing again "No, it was my fault. I'm the one who should be sorry." I smiled at him. "Well okay then. I'm Shrek, it's very nice to meet you...."  
"(y/n)" I blushed a little and nervously giggled.  
"Well see ya around (y/n)!" He yelled walking off. I giggled and blushed an even darker shade of red. He was so handsome I thought but then I realized that I have a short, stubborn, angry boyfriend at home waiting for me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek finds a surprise waiting for him at the swamp

Shrek's POV

I saw the most beautiful girl today. She was getting food when she ran into me. I felt my pants tightening just thinking of her, but then I remembered that I have a girlfriend.  
"Hey.... I'm home." I yelled as I opened the door to my house. There was no response. I heard grunting coming from my bedroom I shared with my girlfriend. I slowly entered our dimly lit room. I saw something truly horrifying, a bee wearing a sweater with a gelled back puff of hair was balls deep in my girlfriend, Fiona.   
"Barry B. Benson??!?!" I screamed as I stood in the doorway. Barry whipped his pathetic little bee head around and pulled his 10 inch stinger out of Fiona. I could see that he wasn't wearing a bee condom. Fiona moaned as he pulled out, honey squirting out of Barry's stinger and into Fiona's open mouth.  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' IN MAH SWAMP?" I screamed again. Fiona started to cry, honey pouring out of her mouth. While I was looking in shock at Fiona who was covered in honey Barry B. Benson took the chance to escape and flew out the window struggling to carry Fiona's dress away with him. I started to cry and ran out the door, I could still hear Fiona sobbing even from outside my house.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek finds someone he can trust

Shrek's POV

I ran shaking and crying out of my house. I can't believe that Fiona would to do that to me! Especially with that pathetic excuse of a bee. I need to talk to someone I just don't know who. I could go to Donkey's, but he hasn't been home since the accident. I could go to Gingy's, but I think he wouldn't want to see me especially after what happened last month. As I was running down the narrow road I ran into someone walking in the area towards me. I heard a feminine shriek and I looked down. It was that beautiful girl from earlier. She was wearing a tight dress showing off her form and her (y/h/l), (y/h/c) hair was pulled back loosely. I was admiring her appearance when I realized that she was sprawled on the ground and I was hovering over her, pinning her arms down. 

"Oh my god I'm so sorry!" I apologized frantically while getting off her. 

(y/n)'s POV

As the man got off me I saw that it was Shrek! What is he doing here, and why are his eyes red? 

"Shrek, it's (y/n) you know from the market." I giggled nervously as he helped me up from the ground. Our lips were only inches away. I blushed a dark shade of red, I hoped Shrek didn't notice it... 

"I knew I recognized you!" Shrek exclaimed. If I didn't know any better I would have sworn I saw his pants grow tighter. I was still curious why Shrek was running and crying, though.

"If you don't mind me asking..." I started off. "Why were you running and crying before you knocked me down?" Shrek, as if on cue started sobbing in his hands. 

"W-what's going on, do you want to talk to me?" I asked. Shrek slowly nodded his perfect head. I lead him over to a log by the pathway. I slowly sat him down and put my arm around him.

"What happened Shrek?" I asked. Shrek tried to slow down his tears so he could talk to me. I could see the effort was in vain. 

"I-I uh m-my girl-girlfriend was in b-bed with B-Barry B. Benson." Shrek stuttered before breaking down sobbing again. I was absolutely shocked. Barry B. Benson? The playboy in town who had gotten almost every girl pregnant? It must be him, I heard he got a human girl pregnant last year. I think her name was Vanessa or something. He shouldn't even be able to lift his pathetic little bee body off the ground. How could he have sex with a grown woman? 

"Oh Shrek, I'm so sorry." I started. "I know just the place we could go!" Shrek looked at me with tears in his beautiful brown eyes. 

"R-really? You would do that for me?" He asked slightly smiling. I giggled and blushed light pink.

"Of course silly!" I tucked a loose strand of my (y/h/c) hair behind my ear. I took his hand and pulled him off the log. I giggled at him, and started to lightly jog down the path to the Muffin Man. Shrek lightly giggled and started jogging behind me, his hand still in mine.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek gets challenged

Shrek's POV  
I ran hand in hand with (y/n) I could hear her laughing in front of me. I blushed a shade of light pink as I thought about her.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I giggled slightly.

"The Muffin Man™" She beamed as she said this, a large smile flashing across her face. I haven't been there in such a long time...

As I was lost in thought about the Muffin Man™ I didn't notice we were already there until (y/n) abruptly stopped in front of me.

"We're here!" She exclaimed happily. I looked up at the building we were stopped in front of. It was the Muffin Man's™. As we ran inside the building (y/n) gasped. I looked to see what surprised her. I was shocked at what I saw.

"Dr. Phil?!?" I gasped as I turned to look him in the eyes. The sexy Dr. got out of his chair and strutted towards me. I looked down and he was wearing fishnet tights showing off his long, thicc legs and some bright red heels.

"Welcome to the Dr. Phil show." He stated professionally as he stopped in front of me and (y/n). (Y/n) gasped and blushed a bright red, staring at his beautiful legs. I felt a pang of jealousy at my heart. 

"What can I do for you today?" Dr. Phil asked raising one of his perfectly sculpted eyebrows. I stuttered and turned bright red. At this point I could see that (y/n) was very turned on by this man. I narrowed my eyes and growled at the man. 

"I challenge you to a pole dance battle." I stated confidently, popping my hip out and flipping my hair. Dr. Phil smirked at me then shook his head chuckling. 

"You're on." He gave me a menacing grin and I gulped. (Y/n) whipped her head around to me with a pleading look in her eyes. 

"Y-you don't know what you're getting into here. That man... he... he's too powerful. You can't out strip him! Everyone knows that!" I could see tears brimming in her eyes as she pleaded with me. I put my hands on her shoulders and tried to comfort her.

"It will be okay... I will out strip him. You can count on me." She gazed into my eyes, amazed. I blushed and looked away. 

"Let's do this, Dr." I say with determination in my voice. I'm not going to let this old man defeat me. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek remembers someone from his past

Shrek's POV

I just challenged Dr. Phil to a stripper battle, what have I done? How will I beat Dr. Phil, the best stripper in the town? I haven't stripped in such a long time... not since the accident. The accident...

6 months earlier

I was ready to go on stage to pole dance. Since the club I was dancing at didn't have a pole I needed to use Donkey as a pole. I walked out on stage in my 9 inch sparkly heels. I strutted towards Donkey and was ready to start dancing when Donkey spoke up. 

"Shrek... I'm pregnant!" Donkey yelled. The entire club went silent. I was shocked. Donkey is pregnant? Who's the father? Why did he tell me in front of a large crowd? 

"W-who's the father?" I stuttered out while looking in shock at Donkey. He looked down with shame and embarrassment.

"Y-you are, Shrek..." I heard him whisper. I started to feel tears brimming in my eyes. Before I could think of what to do I swung my sparkly fishnet leg at Donkey, hitting him right in the stomach. Donkey looked in shock at me and I ran off the stage and out the door into the pouring rain. I started to cry as I realized that I gave Donkey a miscarriage. Then I realized that he was carrying my child and he didn't even tell me until I was on stage getting ready to strip. 

"Shrek, please don't be angry... please!" I turned to look as Donkey ran out of the doors to meet me. Donkey started to cry as I met his eyes. 

"We could raise our baby son together... he wouldn't know that you are the father!" Donkey pleaded with me. I looked at Donkey and I could feel my defenses withering away. 

"I thought I kicked you in the stomach..." I started looking at Donkey. 

"Our baby is still alive... I know he is." I sighed and looked at Donkey.

"Fine, but no one will know about this." Donkey nodded and I gave him a weak smile.

"Let's raise our son together..." Donkey smiled at me and walked off.

Present day

I haven't stripped since then and I haven't seen our son, Harry. The last time I saw them was when Harry was two months ago. I wonder how they're doing. Stripping has been too traumatic for me ever since then. (Y/n) looked at me with a worried look in her eyes. 

"Shrek, are you okay?" I looked down at her. 

"Yeah.... I am..." I said quietly. She nodded and silently looked down again. Harry..... 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new character gets introduced

Shrek's POV

"You have two days to train, Shrek." Dr. Phil stated smirking at me. He turned on his sexy heels and strutted away laughing at how pathetic we looked. 

"Shrek, how are you going to beat the Dr.? Have you ever stripped before?" (Y/n) asked me, worry lacing her voice. I sighed and looked down at her face.

"I did... a long time ago..." I looked away wistfully. (Y/n)'s expression changed from worried to confused in an instant. 

"You did?" She asked in amazement. I nodded and smiled a bit, remembering all the fun I had on stage. 

"I did. We are going to beat the Dr." I stated with confidence. I watched as (y/n)'s eyes lit up as she smiled.

(Y/n)'s POV 

As Shrek said this I felt myself smile. I had an idea.

"Why don't I help you train? It can't hard~" I smiled as I said the last part. Shrek looked a little shocked, but then nodded in agreement.  
"Let's do this!" Shrek exclaimed, smiling brightly. 

In a land far, far away

???'s POV

I just finished a show. All of the 13 year old horse girls loved it. As I was backstage I started to think about my parents. My mother was in the hospital because he had a very bad case of Coronavirus. I don't know what happened to my father, though... I wonder what he's doing right now. Then I had an idea, I should call my sugar daddy!  
"Ello luv!" I chirped when he answered.  
"How was your day?" I asked. I could hear him chuckle through the phone.  
"I was challenged to a stripper battle." He started to quietly chuckle which then turned into maniacal laughter. Someone had challenged my sugar daddy, Dr. Phil to a stripper battle. No one leaves his stripper battles alive....


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n takes Shrek to meet someone

(Y/n)'s POV

I was going to help Shrek train for the stripper battle with Dr. Phil! It doesn't just mean that I can spend more time with him, it also means I can see him strip.....  
"Hey Shrek, there's a retired stripper who lives near my home, do you think you would want to meet him?" I questioned. He smiled.

Shrek's POV 

"Would he be okay if we just showed up and demanded him to help us?" (Y/n) nodded, a sly smile appearing on her face, her (y/e/c) eyes glinting mischievously.   
"Yeah... he owes me a favour~" She winked at me and I could feel myself getting harder by the second.  
"Let's go then!" I responded, trying to ignore my rock hard penis. (Y/n) took my hand and walked out the door to meet this mysterious retired stripper. 

30 minutes of walking later 

"We're here!" (Y/n) exclaimed cheerfully. I looked up at the building standing before us. It was a large house made out of brick. It was towering over us ominously. (Y/n) walked up to the door and quietly knocked on the door. I was going to suggest that she do it again as no one could have heard that. When the door swung open on it's own I was shocked. (Y/n) didn't look surprised, though. (Y/n) turned back to look at me.

"Come on in!" She smiled while looking at me. I nodded and slowly walked up the steps to the house. It looked even scarier up close, (y/n) seemed to notice this. 

"It's okay! He's only scary if you get on his bad side." She said in an attempt to reassure me. It didn't really work. She walked inside and I followed closely behind her. I suddenly heard the door slam shut, closing the only light source in the room. I frantically looked back and tried to find the door. That's when a hot pink spotlight flickered on. There was a pole shining beneath it.

"W-what's happening?" I asked, hoping for a response from (y/n). 

"You fucking donkey~" A raspy, yet sultry voice whispered. It seemed to be coming from everywhere, echoing off every wall. I was frozen in shock. What is this? Why did (y/n) bring me here, and where is (y/n)? 

To be continued~


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek meets the mysterious figure

"You fucking donkey~" A smooth, elegant voice whispered into the damp air. I turned frantically in an attempt to find (y/n). I felt my hand move towards hers and as my hand clasped hers I felt a little bit of my fear melt away. 

"W-who's there?" I asked, trying to seem brave but the quiver in my voice giving my fear away. I turned to look at the pole in the middle of the room. Suddenly a fishnet clad leg slowly stretched out of the darkness.

"W-what's happening?" I frantically asked (y/n). She turned to look at me and smirked.

"You'll see~" She whispered seductively. I shivered and felt a spark travel down my spine. Why does she have to be so damn attractive? I think she felt me shiver because she started to giggle slightly. I turned my attention towards the mysterious figure making their way to the pole. They were wearing some black, lacy lingerie and their legs were wrapped in fishnet tights. They were also wearing red, sparkly heels that clicked on the hardwood floor as they walked. They turned to look at me and I could see they were wearing a tall chef's hat. Why a chef's hat? They turned their head towards me and pursed their shiny red lips. I gasped, he was Gordon Ramsay! Gordon Ramsay was the retired stripper we came to see. I looked down at (y/n) frame and she looked up at me, her shiny (y/e/c) orbs shining brightly as she smiled. She new who we were going to see, she just didn't tell me so it would be a surprise. It was definitely a surprise. Who new Gordon Ramsay was a stripper? 

"G-Gordon Ramsay?" I whispered in shock. Gordon looked over at me and smiled seductively, his glowing, ocean blue eyes twinkling with mischief. (Y/n) giggled and looked up at me, her (y/h/c) locks falling out of her angelic face. 

"This is the retired stripper I was talking about." She gestured to Gordon and smiled at me. I chuckled lightly.

"I hadn't noticed." She laughed at my remark. Gordon tousled his blonde hair and popped his hip out. 

"That's me~" He purred in a deep, sultry voice. (Y/n) bit her lip and I could feel anger boiling inside of me. I tried to repress my feelings and put on a calm face. My grip tightened on (y/n)'s hand and she looked up at me, slightly confused. I pretended not to notice and continued looking ahead at Gordon Ramsay. 

"Let's cut to the chase. I want you to train me to be a master stripper." As I said this Gordon raised his eyebrows and scoffed.

"Why should I train a weakling like you?" He sneered as he looked at me with disdain. I glared back at him. (Y/n) decided to step in and defend me. 

"Shrek challenged Dr. Phil to a stripper battle." She inhaled before continuing. "And he has stripped before but something traumatic happened and he hasn't stripped since." She sighed as she finished. (Y/n) looked at Gordon with hope in her eyes. Gordon Ramsay seemed to consider her words. 

"Dr. Phil ey?~"


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek departs from Y/n

(Y/n)'s Pov

Gordon Ramsay seemed to consider what Shrek had said. 

"Thank you so much, Gordon!" I cheered. I looked over at Shrek while smiling brightly. Gordon Ramsay cocked an eyebrow at this.

"Hold up. I didn't say I would train him." My smile fell and I felt tears brimming in my (y/e/c) orbs. Gordon Ramsay seemed to notice this. 

"I'll consider it. Come back tomorrow and show me what you've got." I instantly cheered up at this. 

"Oh thank you so much! We'll definitely come back, right Shrek?" I looked up at Shrek, his face glowing in the pink lights. I felt a light pink blush dust my cheeks. 

Shrek's Pov

Of course I was going to come back. I need to show Dr. Phil that I am stronger than him.

"We'll be back." I said, my voice filled with determination. I looked down at (y/n), her angelic face was dusted with a light, rosy pink. I felt butterflies in my stomach when our eyes met. I don't really know if I can trust Mr. Ramsay though. He's responsible for more abortions than Planned Parenthood, every time he makes pasta an innocent baby in Italy dies. (im pro choice don't @ me luvs) I'll talk to (y/n) about this later. I turned around and grabbed (y/n)'s hand, not realizing this until after we got out of Gordon's house. As soon as we got out of his house I took a breath of fresh air. His house smelled musty and dank like a sleazy strip club. I turned to (y/n). 

"So what do you want to do? I mean I think I would be okay going back home and talking things out with Fiona..." I saw her face fall but she quickly put on a smile. 

"O-oh of course. You should definitely work things out with her." She smiled, her eyes glowing with reassurance. I felt all stress at tension wash away just from her gaze. I smiled back at her, hoping that my smile had the same effect on her. She giggled and averted her gaze. 

"I-I'd better get going then." I said after what felt like a decade. She looked at me with a hint of emotion in her eyes. Sadness? Longing? I don't know. I slowly started to walk away. When I was about half way down the road I turned around. She was still standing in the same spot with the same look in her glowing orbs. I waved at her and she waved back. It's time to face Fiona and give her a piece of my mind. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek has doubts about his current relationship

Shrek's POV

I looked back one more time and noticed that (y/n) was gone. I sighed and continued back to my house. I don't know what I'm going to say to Fiona. I still want to be with her, but she also cheated on me. I don't know if I can trust her anymore. I still love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Then (y/n) comes in, I think we're just friends, but I feel like there's something more going on. I looked up and realized that I could see my house in the distance. I sighed and trudged towards it. I was scared, how was Fiona going to react? Is she going to leave me? I took a deep breath in and slowly pushed open the door. I looked inside and saw Fiona sitting on the couch in the dimly lit living room. She was visibly crying, her eyes puffy and red. She looked up and stared at me with pleading eyes. I sighed and walked in, sitting next to her. 

"Shrek, I-" I cut her off.

"Why did you do it?" She sharply inhaled as I asked her this. 

"I- I just- we haven't had sex in over a year..." She looked down and began drawing circles on the couch with her finger. I sighed and looked over at her. 

"You could have just asked..." I said. "And why Barry B. Benson?" She began to softly cry again. I lay a comforting hand on her shoulder and let her cry. 

"I know a girl... who knew that Barry would be down to fuck." She looked over at me and locked eyes with me. 

"Please forgive me, Shrek." She said, our eyes never moving. I sighed and hugged her. 

"Of course I will." She hugged me back and we both began crying. I broke the hug and put my hands on her shoulders.

"Just promise you will never do that again." I said sternly. She nodded and smiled.

"Never again." I smiled and hugged her again. I suddenly felt a rush of adrenaline through my veins. I pushed her away and looked into her eyes. She was confused and was questioning my actions.

"Let's start a family together!" I blurted out in the heat of the moment. She took a moment to process this information. 

"Oh of course, Shrek!" She cried out, happiness spilling out of her voice. I smiled brightly as she hugged me again. This was when I started to question if I made the right decision. I don't want to start a family with Fiona! I want to start a family with (y/n)! I know I've only known her for a day but I want to plant my thick, creamy, warm ogre sperm inside of her.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/n gets some surprising news

(Y/n)'s POV

I stood in the road as I watched Shrek walk away from me. I noticed that he had a fat dump truck ass and I could feel my ham wallet pulsing just thinking about it. I sighed as he left my view and I began to walk away. I had to get back to the castle before my boyfriend suspects anything...

time skip to the castle

The guards nodded in acknowledgment as I walked through the palace gates, I nodded politely back at them while trying to speed walk to my boyfriend's room. I began to walk up the stairs leading to the second floor and I could feel my ham wallet pulsing again... all I want is for Shrek to claim me as his by dumping his load into my hot coochie. I finally reached my boyfriend's room and I slowly opened the door to reveal him naked, lying on the bed, and attaching squid tentacles to different parts of his body. His eyes shot up and when he saw me his lips curved into a smirk.   
"Hey~" He purred when his eyes met mine. I flushed pink and averted my gaze quickly.  
"H-hey..." I stuttered out. I couldn't see him but I knew he was smirking. I turned back to him and closed the door. Lord Farquaad got off the bed and started sauntering towards me. I pressed my back against the wall and tried not to meet his eyes.   
"I have something for you kitten~" He whispered in my ear. I shivered and looked up at him.  
"W-what is it?" I asked timidly. He pulled something small out of his pocket and handed it to me. I took it and examined the object in my hands. It was a pregnancy test!   
"W-what? W-why do I need this?" I asked stunned.   
"I want you to take it baby~" He whispered. I looked up at him in shock and just nodded. He backed away from me and I slowly shuffled into the bathroom. I sat down and took the pregnancy test. I was waiting for a while when I looked at the test I was shocked. I-I was pregnant!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sudden proposal occurs

(Y/n)'s POV

I-I was pregnant! Who's baby was it?? Little did Lord Farquaad know but I was sleeping with the king of rocknroll, Ed Sheeran. I knew what I had to do. I quickly left the bathroom with my pregnancy test still in hand  
"Farquaad.... I-Im pregnant!" I spat out, breathing heavily with anxiety. I looked up and saw him smirk.  
"I knew it~" He drawls lazily. Is this not a serious situation for him? Why is he acting so casual?   
"So (Y/n)," he pauses before continuing. "you know you cant have a baby while not married." I shivered, I dont like where this is going.  
"I dont exactly follow you, Lord Farquaad..." I hesitated as I said this.   
"It would ruin my reputation to have an illegitimate child wouldn't it, (Y/n)?" I could practically hear the smirk when he said this.   
"I mean, I guess?" I questioned. He chuckled lightly and I grimaced.   
"I feel like you know what I'm getting at, darling." I nodded reluctantly. "We need to get married" He grinned even wider and I tried to mask my shock. We're getting married? I'm not ready to get married!! What about Shrek, and Ed Sheeran? Surely when the baby came out looking like a wet cat with rabies Lord Farquaad would know that it wasnt his child! What would I do??


End file.
